*I wrote this way back in 2006. Sometimes I feel like I have come for far forward in my life then I read pieces like this and they remind me that I am pretty much the same person I was back then coz I can stiller elate to this. Oh wells. I have decided to post it as is. I typed like a semi retarded donkey)
Why are you here?
It aint supposed to be u here
How did you get here?
He was here a second ago
Was that him or has it always been u?
Why do you play these gmes with me?
Do you even play these games with me?
Or do I play them with me?
Is this all in my mind or is there some soundless motionless connection that keeps us in check
Reminding us of the rules and ensuring that neither of us can forfeit?
When u leave then I cant remember
When ure not here then I know whats rite
And then I see you and nothings changed
You pull me back in but are u pullin or am I moving myself?
Willing but unwillingly to be led back into the game?
You smile and I wonder if I factor in your joy
You think and I wonder if I am the object or subject or any part of that thot
And if I am does love factor into that thot?
Would it be a noun or a verb or a verb
OR maybe in our case just for once it could be an adjective
When it comes to me and him I think it’s a synonym
We are love we never needed an equation to figure that one out
But if we are love then why am I here and why are u here and why isn’t he here?
Why am I stuck with images of me and him that are fading away and being replaced with u?
Ur eyes, ur lips, ur hands and ur pleasure?
Why can I not remember which of u makes me weak
And when my hands drift why is it ur name that I speak?
But we are synonymous with love me and him
When he smiles I feel so loved
But when u smile my heart races and I wanna reach out to u
Why is it that when im with him he is the world to me
But when u come I want to be able to give the world to u
Why do I care about wat we had wen we had
Why do I wish we still had
And if given I choice would I leave the love he gives?
Would I end the game we play and declare u winner and give all to u
But if I did that would u have won or would I have won or would we have won?
Or maybe we would all lose
Why am I even thinking this?
Do u have the same storm raging in ur head?
Are u battling the unseen monster that I battle?
Do u play the same game with the unknown opponent that u r not sure whether u want to win or lose?
And if he knew would he stay to see who won?
Would he hope it was him or would he give me up to this thing I feel for u?
This thing that isn’t love but can only be called love?
Would it matter?
Should it matter?
Why are u here?
U aren’t supposed to be here
Who are u?
Is it you or is it him?